http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/-t1.htm Share your jokes and funny stories here Fri, 13 Nov 2009 17:36:22 GMT 10 http://illiweb.com/fa/empty.gif http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/-t1.htm http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/another-gorilla-joke-t126.htm IanP There was a man that owned a giant gorilla and, all its life, he'd never left it on its own. But eventually he had to go on a business trip and had to leave his gorilla in the care of his next-door neighbor. So he explained to his neighbor that all he had to do was feed his gorilla three bananas a day at three, six and nine o'clock. But he was never ever, ever to touch its fur. So the next day the man came and gave the gorilla a banana and looked at it for a while thinking, “Why can't ... Jokes Fri, 13 Nov 2009 17:36:22 GMT http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/another-gorilla-joke-t126.htm#204 http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/another-gorilla-joke-t126.htm http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/a-trip-to-the-zoo-t125.htm IanP It's a beautiful, warm spring morning and a couple are spending the day at the zoo. She's wearing a loose-fitting, spring dress, sleeveless with straps. He's wearing jeans and a T-shirt. As they walk through the ape exhibit, they pass in front of a very large hairy gorilla. Noticing the girl, the gorilla goes mad. He jumps up on the bars, and holding on with one hand, he grunts and pounds his chest with his free hand. He is obviously excited at the pretty lady in the wavy dress. The ... Jokes Fri, 13 Nov 2009 17:33:11 GMT http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/a-trip-to-the-zoo-t125.htm#203 http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/a-trip-to-the-zoo-t125.htm http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/be-careful-t124.htm IanP
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on.

Some sod poked me in the eye with a stick.

Then they all started shouting '14....14....14'...]]> Jokes Wed, 11 Nov 2009 17:10:05 GMT http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/be-careful-t124.htm#202 http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/be-careful-t124.htm http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/london-lawyer-v-glasgow-copper-t119.htm IanP A London lawyer runs a stop sign and gets pulled over by a Glasgow copper. He thinks that he is smarter than the cop because he is a lawyer from LONDON and is certain that he has a better education then any Jock cop. He decides to prove this to himself and have some fun at the Glasgow cops expense!! Glasgow cop says, ' Licence and registration, please.' London Lawyer says, 'What for?' Glasgow cop says, 'Ye didnae come to a complete ... Jokes Sat, 07 Nov 2009 09:59:44 GMT http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/london-lawyer-v-glasgow-copper-t119.htm#195 http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/london-lawyer-v-glasgow-copper-t119.htm http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/ask-a-silly-question-t118.htm IanP
"Is this her first child?" the doctor queries.

"No, you idiot!" the man shouts. "This is her husband!"]]> Jokes Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:18:00 GMT http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/ask-a-silly-question-t118.htm#194 http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/ask-a-silly-question-t118.htm http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/can-t-bear-these-one-liners-t117.htm IanP Q: Why do bears have fur coats ? A:Because they'd look stupid in anoraks! Q: What do you get if you cross a teddy bear with a pig? A: A teddy boar! Q: What should you call a bald teddy? A; Fred bear! Q: What animal do you look like when you get into the bath? A: A little bear! Q: Why is polar bear cheap to have as a pet? A: It lives on ice! Q: Have you ever hunted bear? A: No, but I've been shooting in my shorts! Q: How do you hire a teddy bear? A: ... Jokes Fri, 06 Nov 2009 10:13:40 GMT http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/can-t-bear-these-one-liners-t117.htm#193 http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/can-t-bear-these-one-liners-t117.htm http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/is-there-rugby-in-heavon-t115.htm IanP Two 90 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day. One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved rugby all our lives, and we played rugby on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's rugby there." Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, ... Jokes Wed, 04 Nov 2009 17:33:22 GMT http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/is-there-rugby-in-heavon-t115.htm#191 http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/is-there-rugby-in-heavon-t115.htm http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/english-to-be-the-official-language-of-europe-t113.htm IanP The European Union commissioners have announced that agreement has been reached to adopt English as the preferred language for European communications, rather than German, which was the other possibility. As part of the negotiations, the British government conceded that English spelling had some room for improvement and has accepted a five year phased plan for what will be known as EuroEnglish (Euro for short). In the first year, "s" will be used instead of the soft "c". ... Jokes Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:39:41 GMT http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/english-to-be-the-official-language-of-europe-t113.htm#189 http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/english-to-be-the-official-language-of-europe-t113.htm http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/she-s-a-good-sport-t112.htm IanP A man is stranded on a desert island, all alone for ten years. One day, he sees a speck in the horizon. He thinks to himself, "It's not a ship." The speck gets a little closer and he thinks, "It's not a boat." The speck gets even closer and he thinks, "It's not a raft." Then, out of the surf comes this gorgeous blonde woman, wearing a wet suit and scuba gear. She comes up to the man and she says, "How long has it been since you've had a cigarette?" "Ten ... Jokes Mon, 02 Nov 2009 21:27:42 GMT http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/she-s-a-good-sport-t112.htm#188 http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/she-s-a-good-sport-t112.htm http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/leicester-tigers-t109.htm IanP
The police had to dress him up in women's underwear in order to save his family from the embarrassment.]]> Jokes Fri, 30 Oct 2009 11:17:10 GMT http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/leicester-tigers-t109.htm#185 http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/leicester-tigers-t109.htm http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/a-rugby-supporting-dog-t108.htm IanP
'What does he do when the other team scores?' asked the barman.

'He does somersaults,' said the dog's owner.

'How many?' asked the barman.

'Depends on how hard I kick him!']]> Jokes Fri, 30 Oct 2009 11:06:53 GMT http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/a-rugby-supporting-dog-t108.htm#184 http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/a-rugby-supporting-dog-t108.htm http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/scuba-diving-t107.htm IanP A few members of a local Scuba diving club went diving off the South coast, amongst them was Jim and Wilma, a husband and wife who always dived together. On the last dive they got separated, Jim surfaced ok, but his wife was nowhere to be seen. They initiated a search but after a long day and night, it was called off and Jim went back home alone and heartbroken. The next day the club Diving Officer (DO) knocked on Jim's front door and said "I'm really sorry Jim, but I've got some ... Jokes Wed, 28 Oct 2009 16:32:18 GMT http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/scuba-diving-t107.htm#183 http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/scuba-diving-t107.htm http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/job-interview-t92.htm longcol03 A guy goes into the Post Office to interview for a job. The interviewer asks him "Are you a veteran?" The guy says "Why yes, in fact I served two tours in Viet Nam." "Good," says the interviewer, "That counts in your favour. Do you have any service related disabilities?" The guy says, "In fact I am 100% disabled. During a battle an explosion removed my private parts so they declared me disabled, it doesn't affect my ability to work, ... Jokes Mon, 14 Sep 2009 18:52:20 GMT http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/job-interview-t92.htm#165 http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/job-interview-t92.htm http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/murder-at-asda-t87.htm Heathcote-roader Murder @ Asda -------------------------------------------------------------------------------- So here's the story. . ... Tired of constantly being broke & stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary, and then arranging to have her killed. A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie ... Jokes Sun, 06 Sep 2009 17:45:15 GMT http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/murder-at-asda-t87.htm#158 http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/murder-at-asda-t87.htm http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/childbirth-t65.htm Alan Due to a powercut, only one paramedic responded to the expectant mother's emergency call. The house was very dark so the paramedic asked Katy, a 3-year old girl to hold a torch high over her mummy so he could see while he helped deliver the baby. Very diligently, Katy did as she was asked. Heidi pushed and pushed and after a little while, Connor was born. The paramedic lifted him by his little feet and spanked him on his bottom. Connor began to cry. ... Jokes Wed, 03 Jun 2009 14:35:54 GMT http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/childbirth-t65.htm#115 http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/childbirth-t65.htm http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/charity-begins-at-home-t32.htm Rugbybraindead Wandering into the middle of Newcastle the other day I noticed a beggar sitting on the pavement. Normally i just walk on as usually they are just work shy druggies. I noticed this guy was disabled with one arm , one leg off athe knee and an eye missing. He also had a sign across his chest which said "Falklands War Veteran"" so i dipped in to my wallett and dropped a fiver in his lap. He looked up and said...................... Gracias Amigo! ... Jokes Sun, 08 Mar 2009 22:02:35 GMT http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/charity-begins-at-home-t32.htm#60 http://longtonrugby.forumotion.com/jokes-f1/charity-begins-at-home-t32.htm