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Christmas 'Elf' & Safety

Wed Nov 30, 2011 6:13 am by IanP

POLITICAL CORRECTNESS – HEALTH & SAFETY

WHILE SHEPHERDS WATCHED
While shepherds watched their flocks by night
All seated on the ground,
The Angel of the Lord came down,
And Glory shone around.

The Union of Shepherds has complained that it breaches Health & Safety Regulations to insist the shepherds watch their flocks without appropriate seating arrangements being provided.
Therefore, …

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Van Gogh Family

Wed May 25, 2011 1:19 pm by IanP


His dizzy aunt--------------------------------Verti Gogh

The brother who ate prunes -------Gotta Gogh

The brother who worked at a convenience store
------Stop n Gogh

The grandfather fromYugoslavia-------------U Gogh

The cousin from Illinois---------------Chica Gogh

His magician uncle ---------Where-diddy Gogh

His Mexican cousin ---------------- A mee Gogh

The Mexican cousin's American …

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Liverpool Police raid

Wed May 25, 2011 1:13 pm by IanP

Police in Liverpool last night announced the discovery of an arms cache of 200 semi-automatic rifles with 25,000 rounds of ammunition, 20 tonnes of heroin, £5 million in forged UK banknotes and 25 trafficked Ukrainian prostitutes, all in a semi-detached house behind the Public Library in Toxteth.

Local residents were stunned and a community spokesman said:

"We're all so shocked! We never …

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priceless.

Wed May 04, 2011 3:13 pm by IanP

Jack wakes up with a huge hangover the night after a business function.

Cloudy-headed and in pain, he forces himself to open his eyes and the first thing he sees is a couple of aspirins next to a glass of water on the side table. Next to the aspirin and water stands a single red rose!

He sits up in bed and sees his clothing in front of him, all clean and pressed.

Jack looks around the room and …

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Prince Charles

Wed May 04, 2011 3:07 pm by IanP

Prince Charles is driving in the grounds of Sandringham in his Aston Martin, like he does, when he accidentally reverses over one of the corgis, crushing its head and making a right awful mess of exploded guff over the gravel.

He exclaimed "what the dickens!", and being one of the second favourite pets of the Queen he starts to get in a bit of a panic about it.

Just then from under …

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John and the robot

Wed May 04, 2011 3:04 pm by IanP

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmicks.

His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day John came home with another one of his unusual purchases.

It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son,
returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.



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Ed Zachary

Mon May 02, 2011 1:21 pm by IanP

A woman was very distraught at the fact that she had not had a date or any sex in quite some time.
She was afraid she might have something wrong with her, so she decided to seek the medical expertise of a sex therapist.
Her doctor recommended that she see the well known Chinese sex therapist Dr. Chang.

So she went to see him. Upon entering the examination room Dr. Chang said 'OK take off all …

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The Black Bra

Mon May 02, 2011 1:18 pm by IanP

The Black Bra (as told by a woman)

I had lunch with 2 of my unmarried friends. One is engaged, one is a mistress, and I have been married for 20+ years.

We were chatting about our relationships and decided to amaze our men by greeting them at the door wearing a black bra, stiletto heels and a mask over our eyes. We agreed to meet in a few days to exchange notes.
Here's how it all went.

My …

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The man of the house

Fri Feb 25, 2011 8:10 am by IanP

A husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be The Man of Your House."

He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "Right, from now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law. You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I've finished, you will serve me a scrumptious dessert. After dinner, you are going to go …

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